Pull up my pants
Now the camera crew has gone
In your statement to the police
Tell them how you turned me on

But you were such an ugly child
You were such an awkward child
You were such a stupid child
We should've cottoned on

Alan is a cowboy killer

Take up tai chi
Now your favourite pet has died
We had crazy fucking times
'Till her visa card expired

But you were such an ugly child
You were such an awkward child
You were such a stupid child
We should've cottoned on

Alan is a cowboy killer

Wipe up his mess
Pay your fluffers by the yard
How you're paying for your peace
How you're paying for your peace

But you were such an ugly child
You were such an awkward child
You were such a stupid child
We should've cottoned on

That Alan is a cowboy killer

Alan is a cowboy killer